Psychological and emotional abuse is when a perpetrator uses words and non-physical actions to manipulate, hurt, scare or upset you. Examples include:

• Screaming and shouting at you
• Mocking you, calling you hurtful names or using derogatory words about you
• Sulking or refusing to talk or be kind until you do something they want
• Making you doubt your own sanity. This is known as gaslighting. A perpetrator may gaslight you into thinking that you are remembering things wrong or that you are misinterpreting things, later making you believe their version of events is true. This behaviour is often used to manipulate.
• Threatening that they will destroy something, hurt you or commit suicide
• Threatening to report you to the police, social services or a mental health team if you don’t do what they say
• Telling you that they’re sorry, that it isn’t abuse
• Telling you that you deserve or cause the abuse
• Threatening to kill or harm you and/or your child

Sexual abuse and violence can take place within relationships or between family members. If you consent to something because you are afraid or you have been pressured into it, it is not consent. Some examples of sexual abuse are:

• Rape or sexual assault – this can be any sexual act you did not consent to. It can include forced kissing, touching or penetration. If you have experienced this recently, find advice on getting treatment and support here.
• Having sex with you when you are unable to consent, for example if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol which may affect your ability to consent.
• Using force, threats, guilt, manipulation or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts.
• Forcing you to have sex with other people or to become a sex worker.
• Forcing you to have sex or watch pornography in front of children.
• Degrading you during sex, such as calling you names, spitting, biting, punching or hurting you.

If you are experiencing sexual abuse, Rape Crisis can support you. In an emergency, always call 999.

Coercive control is an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation, which is used to harm, punish or frighten. Some examples of coercive control are:

• Isolating you from your friends and family
• Depriving you of basic needs, such as food or care
• Monitoring how you spend your time
• Tracking what you do online or on your phone
• Controlling aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep
• Stopping you from accessing support services, such as medical services or support groups
• Repeatedly putting you down, saying you are worthless
• Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you

Financial abuse is part of coercive control, it involves a pattern of controlling, threatening and degrading behaviours relating to money and finances. The perpetrator uses money to control their partner’s freedom. This can include using credit or debit cards without permission or building up debts in their partner’s name. Economic abuse is a broader term, as it also includes restricting access to essential resources and services, such as food, clothing or transport, and refusing to allow someone to improve their economic status through employment, education or training. Some examples of economic abuse are:

• Controlling all of the household income and keeping financial information a secret
• Taking out debts in your name, sometimes without you knowing
• Stopping you from being in work, education or training
• Making you do a certain amount of hours at work, not contributing to any bills
• Having control over spending, checking receipts, having everything in their name

A forced marriage is where one or both people do not (or in cases of people with reduced capacity, cannot) consent to the marriage as they are pressurised, or abuse is used to force the marriage to take place. It can happen either in the UK or abroad. The pressure used to marry against their will may be physical – for example, threats, physical violence, or sexual violence – or emotional and psychological – for example, making someone feel like they are bringing ‘shame’ on their family. You might not feel ‘forced’ or ‘pressured,’ but you may have a feeling that you could not say no, and that there may have been consequences if you resisted getting married. The threats and pressure may be coming from relatives, friends, or members of a community.

Forced marriage is different to arranged marriage, where a family member or designated person are involved in choosing a partner. Arranged marriages take place with the consent of both people, while forced marriage is against the will of one or both people.

It’s important to remember that consenting to marriage because you were afraid or under pressure does not mean that you really consented to it.

Forced marriage can take place within lots of different communities across the world and in the UK, and is a criminal offence in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. This includes:

• Taking someone overseas to force them to marry, whether the marriage takes place or not
• Marrying someone who cannot consent

If you are worried that you are going to be forced into marriage when you are abroad, contact Karma Nirvana’s helpline on 0800 5999 247. They will be able to give you up-to-date advice.

For some communities, ‘honour’ is important and central to social standing and the position of families within the community. There can be severe consequences if perceived dishonour or shame is bought upon a family or community. Some actions that may be considered ‘dishonourable’ or ‘shameful’ are:

• Having a relationship with someone outside your community or that your family doesn’t approve of
• Separating or getting a divorce
• Having sex or getting pregnant before marriage
• Doing things that may be considered inappropriate by family or the community, such as dressing in a different way, talking to certain people, and challenging what is expected of you
• Using drugs or alcohol
• Disagreeing with the religion of your family or community

Honour-based abuse is a when a crime is committed to protect or defend the ‘honour’ of a family or community. Some examples of honour-based abuse are:

• Any form of domestic abuse or sexual violence
• Forced marriage or forced abortion
• Pressure to move abroad or to visit friends and family abroad
• Not being allowed any freedom, including using the phone, internet or having access to your passport
• Isolating you from your friends and members of your family

Any forms of honour-based abuse or harmful practices are illegal, including forced marriage and female genital mutilation. ‘Crimes of honour’ should be treated as a violation of human rights and not as a religious or cultural practice.

Female genital mutilation is a specific type of physical abuse which involves a procedure performed on a woman or girl to partially or fully remove her external genitalia, or to damage or change her genitalia for non-medical reasons. It is very painful and can have serious health impacts on women and girls, including constant pain, problems with sex, childbirth and mental health. It can be life-threatening as it is often carried out by a non-professional.

Tech abuse is when someone uses technology as a tool to abuse.

Examples of tech abuse include:

• Monitoring your social media
• Having access to your phone, email account and/or social media accounts. You have a right to privacy.
• Having access to your online banking
• Not allowing you to have access to technology, such as a phone, or internet access
• Sharing intimate photos of you online. If you have experienced this type of abuse, the Revenge Porn Helpline can support you.
• Using cameras or spyware to watch you or listen to your conversations
• Using GPS locators or tracking apps on your phone to locate you
• Constantly contacting you through text, calls, email and/or social media

As our homes become smarter, this type of abuse is becoming more common. Abusers may use smart home devices to monitor and control. This could include:

• Connecting to thermostats to change the temperature
• Turning lights or speakers on and off from an app
• Watching you on security cameras

Stalking is a pattern of persistent and unwanted attention that makes you feel pestered, scared, anxious or harassed. Some examples of stalking are:

• Regularly giving unwanted gifts
• Making unwanted communication
• Damaging property
• Repeatedly following you or spying on you
• Threats

Cyberstalking can also occur when someone repeatedly sends harassing messages or threats.